The Tallests on Earth!
by CheshireAteAlice
Summary: The Massive's been attacked, now Red and Purple are forced to seek shelter on Earth, with Zim! Man how's Dib gonna handle this one. Warning, there will be hillariousness.
1. The Massive Attacked

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"Sirs, we have a problem!" screamed an Irkin drone as the Massive was hit shaking it off of it's intended course. Sirens were buzzing in the ship and Irkins were toppling over one another trying to find the source of the problem.

The Massive was hit again, sending the Almighty Tallests Red and Purple hurtling over the railing of their observation tower.

Tallest Red grunted as he hit the side bar. "What's wrong?" he yelled demandingly to the drones.

"We're under attack! The Massive's being hammered!" a gruffer Irkin answered while struggling to hold onto his chair.

"But who would dare attack the Massive?" Red questioned as Purple was tossed around the control room screaming.

"Switching to video screen," a female Irkin yelled as she struggled to press a sequence of buttons on the control panel.

The image of Lard Nar's battle cruiser filled the screen, the Vort ship's blaster cannons aimed right at them.

"Ahhhhhh Ahhhhhh Whaaaaaaaa," Purple wailed as Red slammed his fist against the rails of the ship. "How'd they get past the defense systems?"

"I don't know," growled Red angrily, "but I'm going to find out." He pointed towards the Irkin who'd switched them to video, "You! Hail that ship, I want to have a talk with its captain."

"Y-yes my Tallest!" the female Irkin stammered as she transmitted to the enemy ship.

"Uh, sir?" Shloonktapooxis yelled towards Lard Nar.

"What?" the Vortian captain looked back at the grey cone shaped alien as his armrest buzzed and flashed signaling an incoming transmission. "Shhhhhhh, be quiet! They're hailing us." His chair spun as the image of Tallests Red and Purple appeared on screen.

"The Resisty?" Tallest Purple asked confused.

"That's right we're back!" Lard Nar screamed while waving his fist towards the screen. "And we're not leaving without those snacks!"

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" the Tallests screamed together.

"Wait! How'd you get past our defenses Nar? The Massive has state of the are defensive capabilities, there shouldn't be a ship within miles that isn't Irkin." Red asked in-between Purple's wailing.

"Ha! You Irkins think you're so smart, but you're not! We received a copy of the Massive's schematics through a transmission with one of your own prisoners, the very one who originally designed that ship; and that's LARD Nar to you!" Nar had leapt up on his chair and was now pointing threateningly at the screen. "Now hand over those snacks and maybe we'll leave you in relatively one piece!"

"Ha! The Almighty Irkin Empire will never surrender to the likes of you!" Red rebuffed angrily gripping at the rails.

"Can we blow 'em up now?" Purple asked putting his face next to Reds.

"We'll see, I don't know if they've prepared a defense system against us or not, probably so seeing as they said that they have a copy of the Massive's schematics." "You, you, and you," Red pointed towards a group of tangled Irkins that had been carelessly tossed on one another, "go and fire some weapon thingies at them! I wanna wee little pieces of their ship strewn around every part of the galaxy."

"Yes sir!" the three Irkins saluted as they struggled to get free of one another.

"Fire the laser cannon!" Nar commanded striking his fist against the armrest cutting off the transmission.

"Yeah!" Shloonktapooxis yelled out excitedly, "This is gonna be awesome!"

The Massive fired first sending a wave of pink energy headed strait for the Vortian ship. But before it could reach the intended target it seamed to lose energy and just fizzle up in the atmosphere.

"My Tallest!" an Irkin soldier yelled out amidst the panic. "They're preparing to fire! We have to get you off the ship now!"

"What?" the Tallests replied in disbelief.

"But where are we gonna go?" Purple raised his voice above the warning alerts.

"There are escape pods designed to hone in on Irkin technology. Once launched it automatically takes you to the nearest available Irkin base. There you'll be safe. I offer my sincerest apologies to you my Tallest, but your safety is imperative to us. Rest assured the armada will come for you, but right now the ship is not safe."

Red and Purple looked at each other, both of them clearly nervous.

Reluctantly they nodded in agreement and allowed the soldier to lead them away from the control room and down into the Massive's docking bay.

Once their the soldier picked out a rather small escape pod that was just barely large enough to fit the two Tallests yet small enough to be counted off as space debris should it show up on any ship's radar.

Grimacing the two Tallests managed to squeeze inside the ship just as the Vort blaster's countdown began on screen. Huge red Irkin letters ran through the screen displaying several of the Massive's warning signals.

The Irkin soldier had started to yell something to the Tallests, but he was quickly drown out by the sirens and alerts that had risen to a deafening volume. Quickly he dived behind the control panel and hit the emergency escape button.

The pod shot out just as the Massive was hit, sending shock waves that reverberated through any nearby star, almost literally shaking the whole galaxy.

The Tallests were sent screaming through space, headed towards the nearest Irkin style base.

Finally after a few hours of screaming and yelling the Tallests had finally calmed down enough to access the limited controls on the pod.

"So what planet are we headed to again?" Tallest Purple asked leaning over Red's shoulder.

"Well, according to this the nearest planet that has a functioning Irkin base is… planet Earth."

"Planet Earth? Hey isn't that were," the Tallests looked at each other completely horrified, "Zim?"

"We should have stayed on the ship," Red groaned throwing his head back and covering it with his hands.

"I think so too," Purple agreed as the ship sped around nearby planets.

Meanwhile back on Earth Zim had just been released from the tormenting facility publicly known as skool, and was now walking around the city park trying to mumble up ways to destroy the human race. "Hmmm, swarms of tiny flesh eating insects, no already done. Um, electronically controlled plants, no, no too cliché. Hey, what about a massive building destroying gofer? But won't that just end up like the hamster? Maybe cuteness wasn't the way to go. Hmmm, no, no, no. Ugh!!!" sighing heavily Zim plopped himself down on the nearest park bench and was now staring up into the sky. "Why? Why does Zim have no ingenious ideas now? This filthy Earth mud ball should have been conquered for Irk long ago. So why hasn't it been done?" Zim made a small "humph" as he repositioned himself on the bench, "It's all that stupid Dib-monkey's fault, stupid vermin interfering in the brilliant plans of Zim! He just makes me so mad I wanna ungh ungh nya ungh and gah and nyagh," Zim yelled out while throwing his fists in the air in an attempt at hitting something.

He stopped and let his arms hang limp at his sides, he was staring at the clouds, which had begun to turn a deep shad of grey in some areas. "Filthy human acid water," Zim said aloud right before a stray drop landed on his forehead.

"Nyaaaaa ahhhhhhhhh! It burns," Zim screamed as he sat bolt upright. He scrambled off the bench and dove under the nearest tree. "Why!? Why must it be that the disgusting Earth acid must come down now? When Zim is so far from the base!" Zim watched as the rain began, it was a light sprinkle, but it was still enough to not make him want to venture out into it. The tree provided little shelter, however every so often a drop would seep through landing on Zim and he would yell out in pain as it fizzled and seared into his skin.

The rain quickly went from a slight drizzle to a complete downpour, and Zim sat there, under the tree, waiting patiently for it to stop. Every so often he would let out a sigh.

The low sound of a faint buzzing caught his attention, it was coming from the clouds.

Zim looked up just as a faint purple flash illuminated the clouds, any human could have written it off as discolored Earth lightning, but Zim knew better, it was a signature sign of an Irkin ship entering the atmosphere.

Soon enough Zim saw it, an Irkin pod just barely visible from beyond the clouds. He looked closer, it was one of the Massive's pods; he'd recognized it form the schematics he'd gotten from Vort prisoner number 777.

The ship was descending quickly, the flight patterns were erratic and unpredictable. It flew through the clouds towards earth, landing about a mile away from him.

After a quick glance in either direction Zim took off from the safety of his shelter, the rain stung like acid as it pelted his skin, his body felt like it was melting, he dashed through the park while running under as many trees as he could heading strait for the crash site.

After about 10minutes of excruciating agony from the smoldering rain Zim finally found the ship. It had crash landed through a group of trees taking out several of the thick branches and imbedding itself deep within the ground.

Zim made a dash towards the pod, it was damaged from the crash but the main components still seemed to be intact. Quickly the little Irkin pulled off the escape hatch using one of his pak's appendages.

Once inside he could hear a distinct pair of groans that he instantly recognized.

"My Tallests?!"

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	2. Disguises

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The Tallests' eyes grew wide as they gazed up at the little Irkin looming over them; he looked like something that'd crawl out from a horror movie. Zim's face was dripping with clear liquid that looked like it was literally eating his skin off, it fizzled and hissed as it bubbled away his flesh.

"My Tallest?" Zim asked again leaning in closer.

The Tallests couldn't help themselves, they screamed.

"Ahhhhhhhh Ahhhhhhhhhh AHHHHHHHHH! Get away from us!" Tallest Purple yelled as he thrashed out his legs trying to kick the Invader away.

Zim dodged the first few kicks but eventually one landed, striking him in the chin making his head snap us.

A few stray drops of the strange liquid trickled down Zim's face and onto Purple's ankle making him scream as the strange substance seared into his skin.

Red had pressed himself against the walls of the ship, as far away from Zim, and Purple's kicks, as possible.

"Please my Tallest," Zim begged desperately trying to avoid Purple's savage blows. "Please let Zim in out of the rain!"

Purple paused for a moment, and in that moment Zim saw his chance to push his way past the opening and enter into the pod.

"Zim!" Red demanded having recovered from the trauma. "What is the meaning of this?"

Zim bowed, looking up sheepishly, "My apologies my Tallest, you see Earth water is acidic to our kind and I was merely wishing to refrain from standing out in it for too long."

Red put his hand to his chin, mulling over the possible outcomes of just shoving Zim back out, but eventually deciding against it. They need him to get to his base.

"What is this 'water'? And why does it fall from the sky?" Purple asked while bitterly nursing his injured leg.

Zim hesitated, puffing out his chest proudly, "Well my tallest the Earth compound water or H20 is found all around the planet, it has three primary states, a solid, liquid, or gas, it can be all three. Water in the atmosphere, while present, is disperse enough to be ineffective against us, however water in a condensed state, such as in the liquid or solid state, is concentrated enough to actually be harmful to our skin. You see Irkin skin is considered to be a base, which on earth means it has a low ph value, water, which is more acidic, has a higher ph value, so it is able to neutralize our skin and cause physical damage and…"

"Yeah, yeah, that's great Zim," Red waved off in a bored tone, "how do you know that stuff anyway?"

"Well it's my mission to study the Earthian environment Sir," Zim gave a small salute, "as is the duty of all Irkin invaders."

"Yeah, yeah," Purple said mimicking Red, "but how did you KNOW that?"

Zim antenna drooped slightly as he looked down, "The computer told me."

Red crossed his arms impatiently trying to stare down the little Irkin, however Zim seem oblivious, he was trying desperately to dry himself off.

"Zim the Massive's been attacked. So me and Purple are stuck here until the armada comes. How close is your base?"

Zim's eyes widened a little; he turned at attention, antennae perked upright. "The armada's coming? Here? Already?"

"As soon as they can," Red replied already losing patience with the small Irkin. "Now, where is your base Zim?"

"Is the WHOLE armada coming, or just the battle cruisers? Are they bringing super weapons? Are they going to help me destroy the Earth? Do I have my own fleet?…"

"Zim."

"… the battle tanks? Now are we going to wipe out all the humans, or take them prisoner? Hehe, I hope I'll be the one to destroy the Dib oh how victory shall be mine! I think I'll…"

"Zim!"

"… and how sweet it shall be now that the Tallests are here to witness this mighty Irkin victory. Ha! Another planet conquered in the name of Irk that'll show the other inva-"

"ZIM!!!" both Tallests shouted together.

"Yes my Tallests?" Zim asked almost innocently.

"I will make this as simple as I can," Red said slowly so that Zim could understand, "Take us to your base NOW."

Zim saluted, "Yes my tallest," he looked outside, "just as soon as the rain stops."

"Well," Purple began, "how long does this 'rain' last?"

"Oh it all depends, sometimes it lasts a few minutes, sometimes it lasts a few days…"

"DAYS!?!" the Tallests cried, "We could be stuck in this with you for Days!?!"

"Hehe, yeah… pretty much," Zim stated blatantly.

After about two hours Zim had started an endless monologue depicting how superior he was to the humans and how worthless their whole society was, how the Earth would soon be conquered and the Dib-Stink killed. Red, who had no intention of listening to Zim's speech, had retorted to repeatedly slamming his head against the side of the ship, Purple on the other hand, was caught in-between them and had no such escape, his eyes were drooped and his antennae twitching, his mouth hung open as a string of drool started to seep from it.

After another hour the storm had finally subsided, and Tallests Red and Purple wasted no time in escaping the cramped conditions of the stuffy spaceship, not to mention the speech-happy Invader inside. They both lay sprawled out on the ground, desperate for breathing space.

Zim finally exited the pod, his face mostly healed. "This way my Tallests, this way to the base of Zim."

The tallest cast a brief nervous glance at each other before reluctantly standing up and following the small Irkin into the trees.

After a few minutes, but what seemed like an eternity to the tallest, of walking, Zim finally stopped on the brink of what looked like a metal amusement area for humans, there were human worm babies crawling around on twisted metal and swinging from chains, riding unknown animal statues swinging them back and forth.

"This," Zim started proudly, "is what the humans call a park, it's commonly used for play activities among the human worm babies when their creators tire of dealing with them, here they are set loose to roam free until it is time for them to be recaptured and sent back to their home facilities."

Both Red and Purple raised an eye in question but didn't dare argue for fear of provoking the tiny Irkin into talking any more than he had to.

The Tallests were becoming impatient, Red tried to shove past the trees into the "park" but was halted by a tugging at his feet.

"No my Tallest! I'm sorry but you cannot be seen by the humans you need a disguise!" Zim said after digging his heels into the dirt.

Red paused, looking down at himself he realized that in fact he was quite noticeable. He retreated back a couple of paces to make Zim let go, he did.

"Why do we need disguises? We could just blow this miserable planet up if we wanted too-," Purple was silenced by Red sticking a hand in his face.

"No, he's," Red tried to force out, "right Purple. We do need disguises," he said while activating his pak's cloaking device.

A pair of rings appeared under and above Red, they moved towards each other, scanning until they met in the middle, moving back up they transformed his appearance. No longer was he seen as the Almighty Tallest Red of the Almighty Irkin Empire. Now he just looked like a regular teenage human. His dark crimson-red hair neatly complementing his slightly tanned skin and rustic-ruby eyes. He was still tall, his height hadn't changed. He wore baggy black pants with a chain looping down from the pocket, he also had a red band on his right wrist, his t-shirt was a bright red color with a black Irkin symbol on the chest, and somehow he managed to pull of being both muscular and lean at the same time.

"Red," Purple said trying not to sound too impressed, "You look good."

"Thanks," Red agreed while inspecting himself, it actually wasn't half bad.

"Ok ok my turn now," Purple said excitedly as he also activated his pak's cloaking device, the same rings appeared, scanning Purple up and down. When they were finished Purple was wearing a grey pair of cargo pants similar to Red's but without the chain, a purple band on his left wrist, and a purple t-shirt with grey rims at the sleeves and the same black Irkin symbol as Red. He wore a necklace that had a purple amethyst hanging by a black thread. His skin was pale, and his hair was dark purple, just a few shades darker than Gaz'; his eyes were violet.

"Huh, your not so bad yourself Purple," Red commented his approval.

"Thanks," Purple nodded as he looked down at his new human appearance.

They both looked at Zim expectantly.

"Well?" Purple asked.

Zim looked confused, "What?"

"Where's your disguise?" Red asked eyeing the little Irkin.

"I'm wearing it," Zim replied deliberately.

Purple raised an eyebrow, "Really?"

"Yep," Zim replied proudly, "it doesn't take much from the great Zim in order to fool the sink-beasts."

Red and Purple looked at each other questioningly.

"Well I'm keeping mine," said Purple.

"Me too," agreed Red.

Both were just about to head out when once again they were stopped by the tiny Irkin.

"What is it now Zim?" Red asked once again loosing his patience with the want-to-be invader.

"My Tallest! Humans don't float!"

The Tallests stopped. They hadn't used their legs since they became the Tallests. Once again they looked at each other nervously before silently agreeing that they'd do it. Reaching their minds into their paks they willed the hover jets to turn off, they did. Both of them landed on the ground, Red bracing his feet managing to keep balance and Purple falling face forward.

Zim said nothing as he bit back the urge to laugh at the new awkwardness of his Tallests.

Red tested his legs out as Purple struggled to get back on his feet. It took some practice getting used to, but soon they were able to walk somewhat normally and Zim took the lead heading strait for his base.

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**IF YOU HAVEN'T TAKEN MY POLE DO SO NOW PLEASE! AND IF YOU HAVEN'T REVIEWED PLEASE FEEL FREE TO DO SO!!! I KNOW THIS WAS KIND OF A SLOW CHAPTER BUT IT'LL GET BETTER IN THE NEXT ONE! MAYBE THE TALLEST WILL GET TO MEET DIB? GIR WILL BE IN THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!**


	3. Skool?

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Zim's base was about two miles away, and by the time they got there Red and Purple's normally unused legs were about to collapse from exhaustion.

"So this is your base?" Red questioned as they approached a strange little green house with a purple roof, rows of lawn gnomes and pink blowfish, with a sign that read "I (big red heart) Earth".

"Well, that's inconspicuous," Purple commented sarcastically as he stepped onto the lawn. Immediately a guard gnome stepped into action shooting a laser aimed strait at Purple.

"My Tallest!"

Red snagged Purple, quickly pulling him out of the way as the laser shot past them and hit Zim between the eyes.

Zim was thrown about four feet back, landing in the middle of the street with an "Oomph."

He sat up, his wig and contacts falling out in the process, looking over he spotted the Tallests eyeing him from the sidewalk. "Hey it works!" Zim exclaimed excitedly as he quickly picked himself off the ground.

"What works Zim? Your plan to assassinate your Tallests?" Red growled angrily still holding onto Purple's shoulders.

Zim looked dumbstruck for a second, "Of course not my Tallests I am the most loyal Irkin in the entire empire!"

"Also the most annoying," Purple whispered in Red's disguise ear.

"Not to mention incompetent," Red muttered in agreement.

Zim quickly slipped past them, crossed the yard and entered the house; Gir was sitting in the middle of the floor with his pig, it appears that they were having a tea party but Zim didn't stop to elaborate. Instead he turned at the door and entered the security code to disable the gnomes. Zim poked his head out the door, "My Tallests? It's ok my Tallests the defenses are down now. My Tallests? My Tallests? My Tallests? My Tallests? My Tallests? My Tallests? My Taaaaaallests? MY TALLESTS? My Tallests? My Tallests? My Tallests? My Tallests? My Tallests? _My Tallests? _**My Tallests? **Hey my Tallests? My Tallests? My Tallests? MY TALLESTS? My TaLlEsTs? My Tallests? My Tallests? **My Tallests? **My Tallests? My Tallests? My Tallests? _My Tallests? _Hey, hey my Tallests? My TaLlEsTs? My Tallests?

"WHAT ZIM!" Red and Purple had already crossed the lawn and had been standing at the doorway for the past three minutes.

"Oh, you're here," Zim looked up excitedly, "This," he opened the door and gestured to the inside of his house, "This is the base of ZIM!" He puffed out his chest again, "Pretty impressive huh? Is it not amazing?"

Red and Purple stuck their heads in and peered around. It did in fact look kind of like a structure that some species would live in, so they didn't complain.

Zim crossed the living room, heading to the kitchen.

Once the Tallests were inside they spotted Gir sitting on the floor with a bizarre Earth-creature that was short, pink, and had wrinkled snout. Gir turned towards them, "HI THERE! This is my Pig," he gestured to the pig sitting blankly across from him, "He my friend! We have muffins, MUFFINS!" the little defective robot waved excitedly.

"Hey," Purple whispered to Red, "Isn't that the SIR unit you made out of spare parts?"

Red looked at Gir, who was happily shoving muffins down his mouth and occasionally licking his lips while making smacking noises, "Yeah, and you put a whole bunch of junk you found in your pocket for his brain?"

"Yeah, I can't believe it's actually still functioning."

Gir grabbed the pigs hooves and began to dance with it on the table.

"Sort of."

Red nodded in agreement.

Purple spotted the couch, quickly he dashed over and laid himself down, laying his head on one armrest while his legs flopped on the other. His new dark purple hair tickled his forehead as he lay resting.

Red sighed, swiping a hand through his own crimson colored hair, it was a little shorter than Purples, but not by much.

Crossing the living room, trying to dodge some of the muffin debris sent flying by the insane robot, Red entered the kitchen to find Zim had already gone.

"Computer!" Red yelled into the kitchen.

"What?" it replied lazily.

"Take me down into Zim's base," Red demanded impatiently tapping his foot.

The computer sighed, cutting a ring around Red the computer lowered the tall Irkin deep down into the base.

Red stepped off once the he was on the right floor, thankfully all Irkin bases are designed similarly, at least the underground parts, so that one Irking could work just as efficiently in one base as another.

Finding the controls, he hailed the Massive. There wasn't an answer, only static.

Red let out a growl of frustration, looks like they'd be spending more time with Zim than he'd previously thought.

Just then Red heard something, like footsteps. Quietly he got up from the controls and followed them into a hallway. Zim was there, pacing, talking to himself.

"Ican'tbelievetheTallestsarehere,'tevenhadtimetoconquertheplanetyet!Andwiththearmadacomingthey'llthinkI'matotalfailure!ME!THEALMIGHTYZIM!FAIL?NEVER!" Zim yelled out into the hall making it echo.

Red smacked his hand to his head, Zim just couldn't take a hint. Turning around, he headed back into the elevator and up into the kitchen.

The living room was quiet, Red suspected that the little defect of a robot had probably gone elsewhere with his chaos. He walked in to see Purple, asleep, on the couch, the little robot curled up in his lap.

Red watched closely; Irkins didn't normally sleep. They didn't have to, their PAK units and snack consumption supplied them with all the energy they needed. So even though their bodies were designed so that they technically could sleep, they didn't really do it that often, unless they needed the spare energy.

After awhile Red felt his eyes begin to close, and his muscles relax. Soon enough he fell fast asleep.

Startled, Red and Purple woke to the harsh sound of Gir playing the symbols, scaring them both practically to death. Instantly they shot up and looked around, Purple was still on the couch but had somehow migrated so that he was facing the opposite direction than when he fell asleep, Red was sitting against the wall with his legs folded up to his chest. They both covered their ears.

Finally Gir stopped and headed back into the kitchen screaming, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Red and Purple looked groggily at each other and then at the Earth clock, it was 6:45am.

Zim came into the living room, a stupid grin plastered on his face, "Oh good! You're up! My Tallests, Zim thinks that you should accompany him to the Earth skool, where all human knowledge is learned about."

Red and Purple both looked confused.

"Sooooo? It's like a training academy?" Purple asked.

"In a way yes."

"And you want us to attend?" Red added.

"Not attend, teach. I had the computer send over the Earth paperwork last night. Starting today you're the new student teachers. The human stink people will be amazed at the greatness and wisdom of the Almighty Tallests. THEY SHOULD FEEL HONORED!"

Both Red and Purple looked hesitantly at each other.

"And this skool, will help us to blend in with these people?" Purple asked already wondering what "skool" would be like.

"Yes."

"Alright then, we'll go," Red said already regretting his decision.

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**OK I'LL LEAVE THE REST FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER! **

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**BY THE WAY WHAT DO YOU THINK OF RED AND PURPLE?**


	4. Red and Purple Tall

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Zim led the Tallests up to the skool, his chest puffed out as he marched, leading the way.

Red and Purple inwardly groaned at the sight of the skool, with human worm babies almost literally crawling all over it.

Red ran a hand through his new crimson hair, "Uh Zim? Do we really have to do this?"

Zim paused. Turning back towards red he looked up almost innocently, "Yes."

"And what exactly will we be teaching the humans?" Purple asked as they neared the steps.

"Oh, you'll find that out once we're inside," Zim noted happily as he started to hum to himself.

Red and Purple looked uneasily at each other, what exactly was Zim going to have them do?

Once inside the doors Red and Purple instinctively squinted their eyes in response to the new florescent lighting. The Massive's lighting had been so much easier on the eyes.

After a few seconds their eye implants adjusted and they followed Zim through a maze of hallways and into the main office.

A few human children were there, waiting patiently for their demise at the hands of the principle. Red cast them a look that screamed "suckers", Purple adding a "someone's gonna get it" look right along with him.

Zim for the most part ignored the worm babies, heading strait for the front desk.

A an older woman with red rouge lipstick, blue eye shadow, and dyed, curly blond hair, looked up from her copy of _Celebrity Gossip_ magazine, just briefly enough to not Zim, who had pulled out a slip of white paper and was dangling it over the counter.

"Yes?" she asked in a deep hazardous voice that curiously made the Tallests wonder how it didn't seem to hurt her noise hole.

"These are the new student teachers they're here for their teaching assignment… FEEL HONORED!" Zim said while impatiently tapping his foot.

The elderly blond woman lazily glanced at the Tallests new forms before instantly becoming perky, grabbing an eyebrow pencil and compact mirror from her side purse, she penciled in a well placed beauty mark just to the far left side of her left cheek. "Oh! Oh, of course!" she sung almost giddily as she placed the cosmetics back into the far depths of her bag.

Instantly she stood and motioned them behind the counter, smiling and winking as she did so.

The two Tallests hesitated, looking a bit more than nervous, finally Red led the way past the gate to the back of the office, Purple following on his heels.

Back there were three doors, one labeled Nurses Office, the others labeled Principal, and Counselor.

Unnaturally the door to the Principles office creaked open just as they approached, the desk lady ushering them inside.

Red feigned back sheepishly, shoving Purple ahead into the lair of the Principal.

"Wha?" Purple cried out in shock as he disappeared into the dark dank room.

Red chuckled snidely as he started to follow.

He was partially halfway through the door when the receptionist harassingly smacked the back of his ass, letting out a gleeful giggle.

Red yipped like a dog as he nearly leapt out of his skin at the force of the contact, he'd be feeling that for most of the day.

The receptionist giggled again as she slammed the door behind him, trapping the both of them there.

If they ever destroyed this planet, she would be the first on their list.

Red turned towards Purple, who was seated one of the two chairs facing an enormous desk, the only light in the room seemed to be coming from a small lamp placed at the end.

Purple looked unnerved, his fingers clasping onto the railing of the armrests, his back firmly pressed against the back of the chair.

"Boys, welcome, we've been expecting you," said an eerie voice from behind the desk, "please have a seat."

Red, full of distaste from the thought of being told what to do, took his place beside Purple, wanting nothing more than for this whole ordeal to end.

"Well it seems you two have an impressive resume," the voice started off feigning being impressed.

"And that's good right?" Purple asked uneasily.

"Yes of course it's very good," the voice answered him immediately almost not letting Purple finish his sentence.

"So I see that we have you down for physical education Mr.?" a hand formed out of the darkness holding what seemed to be a pen gesturing at Red.

"Red," Red answered confidently, "Red Tall," from the info he'd gathered from the receptionist's desk he had concluded that Earthenoids had two separate names, names that told them as individuals as well as names that held them as part of a family, so he figured he might as well give an Earth name worthy of his position as one of the Almighty Irkin Tallests.

"Mr. Tall," the voice repeated, getting it down, he swiveled the pen towards Purple, "and you?"

"Purple," he seemed to stammer out, "Purple Tall."

"Hmmm," the hand recoiled back, "you two, are you brothers?"

"Yes," Red and Purple both lied together.

"Twins even," Red added.

"Fraternal twins," Purple added brushing away the oncoming explanation of why their features differ.

"I see," the voice said as if absorbing every bit of information. "And what may I ask is your relation to our young Mr. Zim?"

"Uh he's our cousin," Purple explained.

"Yeah," Red agreed, "Our LITTLE cousin," he said with extra emphasis on the "little" part.

"And your names, are they… popular where you are from?"

"Sure," Purple said nonchalantly, "We ARE foreign you know."

"Yes, of course," the voice sounded quickly, "you may go to your assignments now. Mr. Red I have you as the new assistant PE teacher so you'll head down to the gym. Mr. Purple, for the moment, you've been placed in the cafeteria, lunch starts at noon sharp so be ready, after that you are to head down into the theatre room where you'll teach the classes about the performing arts." The hand reappeared with a wave, "You are dismissed now."

Red and Purple quickly escorted themselves out of the office and into the hallways, Red quivering when they passed the lady at receptionist's desk, who, palpably, blew Tallest Red a kiss.

As soon as they got into the hall the Tallest Purple burst out laughing.

"Ha, I got food and you got sweaty worm babies, ha!"

"Shut up Pur, just shut up…" Red groaned as they made their way through the nearly desolate hallways, he assumed that skool must have been in session since they hadn't passes one single worm baby since their initial trip to the office.

Occasionally they would peer into one of the side classroom doorways which lined the halls, always some human teacher giving some lecture about something or other.

Ignoring them the Tallests continued on until one particular classroom caught their attention, particularly because Zim was sitting in the seat closest to the door, an utter look of boredom plastered across his face as he idly rolled his pencil around his desk pretending to take notes.

Almost forgetting themselves the Tallests let out a slight chuckle over Zim's badly drawn plans at eliminating the humans, one had him standing over a burning Earth with an Irkin flag shoved through it's core, another had a human, more precisely, the one sitting on the opposite end of the room, also in the front row, with his limbs sawed off, his guts appearing to be liquefied from the inside out.

Their snickering did not remain unnoticed as they felt a spine-chilling presence loom against the other side of the doorway.

Swiftly the door was opened to reveal Mrs. Bitters, in her sinewy, shadowy form, glaring menacingly down at the two Irkin leaders.

Both of them shivered involuntarily.

"May I help you?" she hissed through her crooked, horse-like teeth.

Quickly Purple ducked behind Red, hands placed around his arms as if he were offering his counterpart up for sacrifice.

"Yes, well me and my brother here were just looking for the cafeteria and the gym."

"Well you certainly won't find them in here," Bitters stepped aside to gesture into the classroom. Half the class stood up, ogling in curiosity at the two spectacles in the doorway.

"Yes I can see that," Red sputtered out partially sarcastic.

"If you couldn't I would recommend an eye examination," Bitters' instantly retaliated with even heavier sarcasm.

She turned, attempting to shut the door in their faces, but was thwarted by Red sticking his foot inside the door frame completely irked about the thought of so easily brushed away.

"Then you wouldn't happen to know where they ARE, now would you?" Red was becoming bolder, more cheeky as his fear was pushed back into the recesses of consciousness in an attempt at redeeming himself and his dignity as a Tallest.

Mrs. Bitters raised an eye as she suddenly earned some faint glimmer of respect for the bold newcomer. "Strait down the hall for the cafeteria," she stuck her finger out pointing it directly at Red and then bending it slightly, "make a left and follow it until you reach the gymnasium."

"Oh thanks," Red smiled charmingly making half of the girls in Zim's class blush, and others reach their hands up in a gasp of adoration.

Bitters, having lost all patience with the sudden intrusion, gave a slight grunt before slamming the door in their faces.

"Was that scary to you too?" Purple asked quietly as he moved out from behind Red.

"Yeah, that… was definitely not human," Red stated as he and Purple ventured farther down the hallway.

* * *

**OK THE NEXT CHAPTER IS COMING UP…. AS SOON AS… I MAKE IT.**

**PLEASE REVIEW! GIVE THE WRITER SOME LOVE…**


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